Self-Punishment and Self-Forgiveness

When you carry feelings of guilt and shame, it’s impossible to feel good about yourself. You believe you have done something wrong (guilt), or believe that you, as a person, are wrong (shame).

Forgiving yourself will help lift the heavy burden of these emotions and increase your feelings of self-worth.

Healing Guilt: 7 Steps to Self-Forgiveness

Own what you have done.

Understand why you did it.

Learn from your mistake.

Make amendments.

Atone. Atoning means putting your regret into action to minimize the damage that your actions have done. If you can’t do something to directly affect the person(s) you hurt, help someone else who is in need. Find a way to make someone else’s life better. Atonement isn’t self-punishment; it is reparations. Self-punishment doesn’t help anyone, including yourself. Atonement is reparative and productive.

Apply lessons learned.

Forgive yourself. Say, “I forgive myself for the mistakes I have made, and I allow myself to move forward in living as my best possible self.”

49:12

يَـٰٓأَيُّہَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ ٱجۡتَنِبُواْ كَثِيرً۬ا مِّنَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعۡضَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِثۡمٌ۬‌ۖ وَلَا تَجَسَّسُواْ وَلَا يَغۡتَب بَّعۡضُكُم بَعۡضًا‌ۚ أَيُحِبُّ أَحَدُڪُمۡ أَن يَأۡڪُلَ لَحۡمَ أَخِيهِ مَيۡتً۬ا فَكَرِهۡتُمُوهُ‌ۚ وَٱتَّقُواْ ٱللَّهَ‌ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ تَوَّابٌ۬ رَّحِيمٌ۬

O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion, indeed some suspicions are sins. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allâh. Verily, Allâh is the One Who forgives and accepts repentance, Most Merciful.

اے ایمان والو بہت سی بدگمانیوں سے بچتے رہو کیوں کہ بعض گمان تو گناہ ہیں اور ٹٹول بھی نہ کیا کرو اور نہ کوئی کسی سے غیبت کیا کرے کیا تم میں سے کوئی پسند کرتا ہے کہ اپنے مردہ بھائی کا گوشت کھائے سواس کو توتم ناپسند کرتے ہو اور الله سے ڈرو بے شک الله بڑا توبہ قبول کرنے والا نہایت رحم والا ہے